Cameroon

Those of you who have heard me speak about the process through which I was called to teach here in Cameroon may remember that I was given no burning bush or writing on the wall for clarity. Rather, God slowly opened one door at a time, each time giving me only the conviction that I was to take that step, never seeing beyond the step to which I was expected to submit at that moment. As I stepped through each door, the next became visible. Then, and only then, did I know that the next step, the next doorway was one to which I was called to proceed.

Does the principle also apply in reverse? If no door appears, am I to stay where I am?

Ever since that final ‘you’re going to Africa’ door opened I have functioned under the assumption that I am here for two years and that sometime within that time God would make clear if that was all or if it was just a beginning. Quite honestly, I figured I would go back to the States for a year of furlough and further partnership development (AKA support raising) and then return to Cameroon for a full 4-year term after which I would probably go back to my ‘normal’ life in the US. My two-year commitment in Cameroon will end in this coming summer, but I don’t know what comes next.

My own desire on the topic is bi-polar at best, for there are days I love it here and days I want so much to be back in the American Midwest. God’s sovereignty clearly implies that the decision I make will put me in the situation He has planned for me and that ‘all will work together for [my] good’ in that place. However, that does not excuse me from seeking His will and acting in obedience to it. I was discussing this dilemma with a friend the other day, expressing my desire to truly seek God’s will, make that decision based on God’s call rather than my momentary opinion or circumstances. Interestingly, his response was a description of how his family came to be in Cameroon and that story used the same imagery as mine – a door was presented; they stepped through it; another appeared, etc. His conclusion, however, wasn’t something I had really thought about. “Are you being called to LEAVE Africa?” Hmmmmmmm.

As we go through the motions of our everyday lives, are all the doorways open to us visible? I know there are times in my life when no doorway appeared to exist, but when I truly sought God, one appeared that hadn’t even occurred to me. However, there have also been times when I desperately wanted a door to appear, an opportunity for change to present itself. Times when I pounded on the walls, searching for a door that did not yet exist because God’s will for me in that moment in my life was to stay, to wait, to serve in the place where I was.

Which of those moments am I in the midst of? Perhaps my lack of a clear desire to stay or to go is a good thing. No obvious door exists that would suggest a change in direction, and I am not pounding on the walls searching for a door that I can’t find. However, to simply claim that the lack of an obvious course of action equates to there not being one is lazy on my part. I still have a responsibility to seek His will for me in this time and place. Please pray with me that if I am to move on to something different that God will clearly present and open that door. Please also pray that if I am to continue in ministry here that my perception of the room in which I currently exist will change to reflect its longer-term purpose and that God will clearly equip me for the continuation of that ministry.

In some ways it seems WAY too early to be thinking about what happens when I leave Cameroon in June, but on the other hand I know it is just around the corner. There are some big decisions that need to be made. Do I come back to Cameroon? If so, when and for how long? If not, what’s next? I know God’s timing is perfect, and that He will make His plans clear in coming months, but I also know that I need to be praying about this and seeking HIS will, not mine.

IF I come back, I really need to get some serious French study in first (the 4 weeks this summer were NOT enough). A year ago that would have been an exciting prospect, but after struggling so much with French this past summer, it doesn’t sound so great. I learned that languages are NOT one of my gifts, and that they are quite a struggle for me. I also know, however, that God is bigger than my limitations and weaknesses. In fact, it is generally IN my weaknesses that I most clearly see God’s hand and His strength. Is this part of what is holding me back from being willing to step out and say that I AM returning?

Am I putting my career in the US on hold to be here, or is this my career? I think that is another question I need to answer. Yes, it is really just a matter of perspective, but which perspective feels true, and is that because I am truly listening to God’s leading or because I have chosen to think a certain way?

The theologian in me knows that God has it all figured out, and that His plan is WAY better than anything I could come up with on my own, but that doesn’t always still my heart as I wonder about the future.

I pray that ‘he will give [me] the desires of [my] heart. Not in the sense that he give me that which I naturally desire, but that he would give me a desire for the things of His heart.

I am realizing that I haven’t posted anything on my blog in AGES. Sorry  So, here is some quick catch-up info. I will try to post more regularly in the coming months.

My Summer: If you get my newsletter, you know that I have spent my summer ‘break’ in Europe, mostly in Switzerland studying French. Nothing much to show or say about the French study except that I clearly recognize now that learning languages is NOT a give I possess. However, I made a point to see as much as I could before, after, and over weekends. If you want a glimpse into my travels this summer check out my facebook page. Even if you don’t have a facebook page the following links will get you to my photos from this summer:
• Switzerland
• Milan
• Germany

School starting up again: We are now back in full swing at RFIS. I am teaching 3 subjects this year which is a HUGE improvement from the 4 subjects last year. Plus I have the benefit of actually having taught two of those courses before, so I am not working up from ground zero just to make sure I know what I am talking about. The 3rd is AP US History. That one is keeping me on my toes, but I am really excited about it which makes up for a lot of the work.

We had the official dedication of our new campus (where we moved last year) and 20th anniversary celebration at the school this past week. It was a great time to reflect on God’s faithfulness during the years of constant change that have brought us to where we are now as a school. It was also encouraging to hear from some parents how much they appreciate the school and its mission to serve missionary families and their children. . . a great reminder of why we are here!

Most of reflections I have posted from Cameroon up to this point have been about the cultural differences of living here. The physical environment, however, is equally different. As we begin to shift from dry season to rainy season here, it is easy to think of the many of you back home still dealing with snow, so I figured a dose of our plants here might brighten your day. Enjoy this small glimpse into the rain forest!
For example, what I grew up seeing as houseplants are as tall as houses here!

There are also many plants, trees, etc that are quite different from anything I have seen…

And others that are look pretty much like they could have been transplanted from Kansas! There are even ones whose fruit looks vaguely familiar but super-sized like this ….. whose fruits look a lot like overgrown hedge apples (osage oranges). They are actually called Breadfruit or Jackfruit.

All is not as it appears. Being an MK does not necessarily= being a Christian.

It is easy to assume that because the majority of our students are children of missionaries or because they are generally well-behaved and moral kids that they are Christians. However, this (and other discussions I have had recently with other students) is a clear reminder that for many of them Christ is not yet THEIR savior, that they may believe in their heads the truth of the Gospel, but that the connection has not yet been made in their hearts.

Middle School Students: We have been talking about Animism (and African Traditional Religions) in Bible class recently, and have done a lot of comparing/contrasting to Christianity. Especially in the last few days, many students have been asking a lot of good questions about Christianity (both in and out of class) and seem to be more and more interested in making Christianity THEIR personal faith rather than just what they have been taught. We had a GREAT guest speaker last week who spoke to us about African Traditional Religions, and he did a WONDERFUL job of not only explaining ATR, but also helping them to understand the slavery and oppression that comes with such beliefs in comparison to the freedom and love that come through our Lord, Jesus Christ. He presented the gospel in a way that clearly made some connection with many of the kids, so please pray that the Truth will take root and/or grow! Please pray for them as they continue to discover that He has not only called and loves their parents and/or other adults in their lives but that that he has a plan for THEIR lives too.

When he asked if they were certain they would go to heaven if they died today, the majority of them either didn’t raise their hands or did so hesitantly. One raised her hand when he asked if there were interested in asking Jesus into their hearts, but I think there may have been others who prayed as well but just weren’t quite ready to raise their hand. So please be praying for some true prayers to have taken place and for continued conversations!

High School Students: It seems lately that many of our kids are struggling with feelings of insignificance, depression, and even grasping for answers to the question ‘where is God?’ Though they may KNOW in their heads that God loves them each individually more than we can even comprehend, that He has created each one of them specifically for a purpose, but their hearts, are having a harder time accepting that.

Much of what I am hearing reminds me of the types of doubts I have struggled with. Even in my deepest trials, I never doubted that God COULD do amazing things or that He was all powerful. I DID, however, question if and why He would bother for ME. Please pray that our kids will grasp how precious they each are in His eyes. Please pray that Jesus will grow to be more than a name on paper and that the reality of the amazing gift we have been given through His death and resurrection will become real in each of their hearts.

Retreat: On February 7-10 we will be holding our annual retreats. Please pray earnestly that God will move in amazing way during retreat. Pray for our speakers as they prepare the messages God has given them. Pray for wisdom for teachers leading small group devotions and discussions. Pray for endurance and health (because from what I have been told, teachers get almost NO sleep that week!). And most of all pray that we will not get in the way of what God wants to do in and through us all and that God’s true character and immeasurable nature will be seen and magnified!

As I contemplate Christmas this year, there is something different about my understanding of those days so long ago. You see, last January a friend of mine had a baby. Because her husband was deployed at the time, I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the delivery room with her and to share those precious moments. Quite honestly I will never be the same.

The miracles of life, of the birthing process, and of the love of a parent for their child are simply beyond explanation or comprehension. We can scientifically understand the anatomical and chemical realities, but to truly wrap your mind around the reality is not as simple. To see the look in a mother’s eyes as she first holds the precious little one, momentarily oblivious to the previous hours of exhaustion and pain . . . to be awoken by his cries, gripped for an instant with panic that something may be wrong before reminding yourself that he is a normal, healthy baby who WILL cry . . . to swaddle, hold, and comfort that little miracle, now sleeping in your arms, knowing that your world will never be the same and wondering what path the Lord as planned for this tiny infant’s future.

I know there is so much more to this picture, like the constant exhaustion that so quickly becomes a reality for new parents in the coming days and weeks that is bound to overshadow the wonder, the awe, the miracle, but it still IS amazing!

Ok, back to the Christmas connection to all this . . .
Mary was giving birth to her first child. She was in pain and quite likely terrified of giving birth (and in a stable no less!). I imagine she was also overwhelmed as many mothers are by the responsibility she now had as a mother, the magnitude of which is becoming more and more clear as she looks at this tiny, helpless infant. Do you think that maybe she was also besieged with feelings of inadequacy, wondering how she could possibly be qualified to raise the Son of God?

We talk about Jesus coming as a tiny baby, we talk about God sending us his son, and we talk about the sacrifice of that son for our sins, but I guess that all looks a little different as a parent than as a kid. I love my parents dearly, and I know they love me more than anyone else on earth does, but I don’t think I will be able to fully wrap my mind around that love until/unless I am a parent some day. After watching the miracle of Cooper’s birth and realizing how much I love that little guy without even being his parent then stepping back and knowing how much Alex and Andrea wanted and watching how much they love that precious little boy . . . my understanding of the magnitude of God’s gift continues to grow.

Ok, so last night we a little bit of excitement in my apartment. I was working on my newsletter and there was a strange noise followed by the electricity going out. That isn’t terribly uncommon, so I just kept working (gotta love my laptop battery!). After only a minute or so the lights came back on, but they didn’t last long (also not uncommon). Then I started to smell something strange. Initially I didn’t think much of it, because someone is always burning trash nearby, but by the time I grabbed a candle and got it lit, I realized that the smell was VERY reminiscent of the electrical shorts I have seen in the theatre work I used to do, the security light OUTSIDE my apartment was still on, and the lights in most of the other apartments in our compound were working. Hmmmmm, I thought – this is strange.

I heard some people talking near our gate, so I walked out to see what was going on and they were all standing on the road looking up at the transformer on a pole near my building. We decided that we probably just fried a bat (not that we mind one less of them). No big deal, but they were surprised to hear that my electricity was still off, so I asked Frans to show me where my breaker box was (also a misnomer, because there is no ‘breaker box,’ just a switch on the wall outside my apartment). When he tried to switch the breaker on, it made a loud snapping noise and refused. I insisted that there was an ‘electrical hot’ smell, but we couldn’t pinpoint anything. . . .When he tried the breaker again there was a flash of light from the kitchen. The surge protector our microwave was plugged into was totally blackened and melted! Praise God that our curtains were tied up to the side, or we could have had a pretty nasty fire! Also, despite the soot and external damage, the surge protector evidently did what it was supposed to because the microwave is fine!

After posting about our whiskey bottles of peanuts, I figured it would be good to do a series of blog entries that give you a glimpse into the realities of living in Cameroon. Most of these aren’t necessarily good or bad. They don’t make life easier or harder, but they do define how different it can be here.

Today’s reality: price points
It is constantly amazing to discover things that would be really expensive back in the states that are WAY cheap here or visa versa – things that are REALLY expensive here but would be totally inexpensive in the states.

Food is perhaps the most obvious and constant reminder. I think we have paid anywhere from 60 cents to a dollar for pineapples, our last cucumber cost about 40 cents, and I think our ‘half pile’ of green beans (most of a gallon ziploc bag) cost about 60 cents, and the most easily available bread is fresh baguette (usually about 3 feet long) and that typically costs only 25 cents! On the other hand you might expect to pay 80 cents EACH for (not very big) apples, the equivalent of $30 for a kilo of cheese or ham, and even a cheap box of cereal could easily cost $6.

Likewise some simple household things: I needed a laundry basket and the beautiful hand-made basket shown below was WAY less expensive than any of the plastic laundry baskets I have seen! Electronics fit in the ‘expensive’ category too, but they are the rejects from the rest of the world. For example when a company in China produces a product for western markets, Africa often gets the things that DIDN’T pass inspections or perform up to standards. (I have given up hope of finding a wall clock here that will keep accurate time for an entire day.)

Have I taken up drinking? Nope, but one of the shelves in my dining room reads “Grant’s Blended Scotch Whiskey, Gordon’s London Dry Gin, Crown Whisky.” You see, everything here has multiple purposes and can be reused in some way. When I moved into my apartment one shelf of my kitchen was carefully filled with a variety of used glass jars and bottles. Another shelf in my dining room was covered with various wine and liquor bottles to be used as candle holders. I have seen wine bottles used as such in the past, but this is a normal sight in missionary homes here. So, how would a missionary community get their hands on SO MANY liquor bottles. The answer: Peanuts! A really common snack here is roasted peanuts, and they are purchased from kids along the road or in parking lots in used liquor bottles! Crazy, huh? In the couple of weeks before local schools opened the parking lots were absolutely crawling with kids trying to sell these to cover their school fees. Just to give you an idea: I paid the equivalent of about $2 each for the bottles you see.

I TOTALLY need to get another newsletter written! The problems is, where to I start? So much to say, so much to say . . . . and so little time. grrrrrrrr. I promise I will buckle down and get it done and sent out soon though.

If you are interested in getting my newsletter and haven’t been on the email list, drop me a message here so I can add you.

God Bless!
Kristi